Sunday, February 22, 2009

Oscar Workout

I love television, but who doesn't feel like sitting through the Oscars or similar awards shows is a waste of time? Sure... it feels like the right thing to do at the time, but then everyone is winning and you don't know who they are or what their movie was about and you just start attacking yourself: "Why didn't I see Slumdog Millionaire?!"

In order to make our Oscar viewing more rewarding, my roommate and I have made a sport of it. Literally.

Tonight we will be Oscarcising.

It's like a drinking game but with exercise instead of alcohol.

So join the fun! Here is our list of common award show occurrences and the exercises we will perform when we see them.

Movie wins Oscar that neither of us have seen -- 2 pushups (Be nice. We haven't seen any movies and our arm strength is so-so.)

Obama invoked in acceptance speech -- 10 chair dips

Financial crisis referenced -- 1 bridge (to the future)

Winner thanks God -- 30 seconds of the pilates V thing

Maldrobe Warfunction (This is how I literally screamed it to my roommate when we were generating our list. I'm just keepin' it real.) -- jump rope

Host or presenter tells joke that falls flat -- side henge (as found in FITNESS)

Misguided actor, writer, etc. on stage who didn't bother to shave for the event -- 20 jumping jacks

Teleprompter failures -- Sumo twist (also from FITNESS)

Anyone on stage walks the wrong direction after giving their schpeal -- 10 lunges

Music played to end a speech -- 30 second plank pose

Butt bow, ruffle, or other adornment -- Jillian Michael's butt move (I saw it on Rachael Ray... It's hard to explain.)

Winner thanks "Beautiful Wife" or "Wonderful Husband" -- partner ab twist with kettlebell

Winner gives acceptance speech with heavy foreign accent -- facial yoga (hell ya!)

Joke made about celeb followed by a close-up of that celeb looking awkward -- plank rotation

Absent nominee/winner -- run out of the livingroom, up and down both flights of indoor stairs, and back into the livingroom for next move

And... here's the kicker... if anything catastrophic happens during the Oscars (think big: lights falling, someone glamorous falling down the steps, another Adrian Brody kiss, etc.) then we both have to attend one of the more embarrassing classes at the Rec Center this week. My scary class is the Boot Camp one. My roommate lives in fear of aerobics, go figure.

I should also mention that commercials are going to be used for hydration, stretching, relaxation, and so forth.

So that's it! Simple, right?

Okay, I'm going to go move some furniture in preparation for the big event.

I'll let you know how long my roommate and I last. :)

Update: I beasted the Oscars and oscarcised the entire three and a half hour program. The workout was intense in bursts but tons of fun. I gave myself 7 stars on the H4H calendar. Success!


Kerry said...

kudos, but you do realize that, as you based your Oscar workout on the tenets of a drinking game and the entire goal of drinking games is to vomit at the end, there is only one acceptable outcome that won't sully the good name of alcohol binges... Godspeed.

The Empress said...

YOU ARE MY HERO!!! I love this.

Me! said...

that is hilarious.