Really. Not a damn thing. I sat at home. I might have even had cereal for dinner; I don't remember.
This, for me, has been difficult. I love the hell out of Halloween. Usually I spend several months planning and perfecting my costume.
Since I didn't have the excitement of planning and executing the perfect costume for the day, I've had a hard time letting go of the costumes I'd considered. So... I'm blogging them in an attempt to set them aflame and push them out to see.
A Viking funeral for the costumes that didn't happen.
Now... this year I also have a boyfriend. A boyfriend who is more than willing to play along with my costume excitement. You'll see that reflected in my choices. Let's start with the classics...
JFK and Marilyn Monroe: I could be his Jackie, sure. But... I'm more Marilyn, dontcha think?
Johnny Cash and June Carter: But only if I can carry around a dulcimer and tell all our friends we can't stay long because he's goin' to Jackson.
Now... a quick jump to...
Joan and Roger: Any day. Any time. As long as I get to smirk, speak softly, and walk around the office like I own the damn place. Because... I do.
Which leads us to our topical couples...
Prince William and Kate Middleton: Quick! While people will still recognize us!
DaveCat and Sidore: Clear winner. Hands down. Amirite?!
Incidentally, "hands down" refers both to the DaveCat/Sidore win and the pose I'll be assuming for the entirety of the evening: Hands down, eyes blank, mouth slightly open. I've been practicing. It's spectacular.
So... I think this has helped.
I'll let these costumes go for this year. Knowing full well that I've catalogued them here and can revisit next October.
Who would you be if Halloween were this week and you had all the money and time to costume?
In my last blogpost (yes... it has been a while) I explained that me and holidays are casual acquaintances at best. I explained it in the context of birthdays and the lesser holidays, but my issue extends all the way to the big holidays. Since I no longer live near my family or other folks who would similarly insist I celebrate holidays in flashy ways... I just... don't.
Like today, for instance. I slept in (score!) and my plan for the day is to grade a set of student papers. And I'm fine with that.
But... there is one thing that can get to me to let loose and go all out on a holiday. That thing?
YOU!
That's right... It's you, you crazy kids. I do silly, goofy, holiday-themed things because I think that you'll like them. So this morning when I finally did think about getting out of bed around 11am, it hit me. I could make a super tasty breakfast for myself and with a little adjustment... I could appear to give a hoot about the 4th of July.
Voila. Two birds. One stone. Six little red, white, and blue pancakes.
Now... if you're a better person than I am, you could probably color and flavor these pancakes with fruit purees and skip the Wilton colorings I used. If you do that... let me know how it goes. It was a touch odd eating technicolor pancakes that tasted like... normal buttermilk pancakes.
And though I'm not doing it big today, I am interested to know what the simple folk do. How are you celebrating your 4ths, kittens?
(To my kittens in Australia, Canada, England and elsewhere, you're not off the hook. I want to know what you're doing today too... just because I'm creepy like that.)
I'm a horrible daughter. Or maybe just a horrible person, actually. I'll explain. I don't remember holidays. I don't remember birthdays, and if it weren't for my mother and Facebook, I'd probably never offer another well-timed Happy (Anything)! again.
Exhibit A: Yesterday I received a text from Mom that read: "Happy day of your brother's birth!" She's getting more subtle with the reminders, but I'm not getting any quicker on the uptake. (I did send Josh a Happy Birthday! text after that message, by the way. I got it covered.)
Part of this unawareness of birthdays and holidays is that I don't often think to get gifts for these occasions either. I've gotten pretty good at remembering to do Christmas stuff. But the other holidays? Sorry, nope. Father's Day is no exception, so it's a good thing you don't wear these.
So what's a forgetful, irreverent, states away daughter to do for her sensitive, funny, stand-up guy father on Father's Day?
Well... this one has decided to make a straightforward, minimally invasive list of the things she does because you are her dad.
1. Like you, I make (or buy) coffee in the morning and drink it all day long.
Now as a young (non-coffee drinking) child, I thought that you were nursing that one mug all day, but as a grown ass (need coffee for optimal performance) adult, I realize that you, like me, were likely refilling that mug as the day progressed. So cheers to our respective mugs of room temperature, black coffee.
Oh, and this is only semi-related, but when I think about your mug, I think about us driving to church, you planting the mug on the dash and returning to it after church like a smoker who's finally free of the building. So... cheers to finding a church that brews coffee in the lobby and encourages you to drink it during the service. Much better fit, in my opinion.
2. Like you, I see things (like the mug I posted above) and think to myself, "I could make that."
Now, am I right? Could I really make that mug? No... but I feel that if I were to watch enough Discovery channel programming and consult with someone who actually knew what they were doing (in this case, you), then yes I certainly could make such a simple, but ultimately cool, mug. But this "I could make that" reflex extends to all sorts of things. Shelving, craft projects, elaborate home improvements. More often than not, I see a task that most would agree deserves expert attention and I say, "I could make that."
The other night, while playing miniature golf with some friends, one friend attempted to mock me by referencing "that guy that builds the houses on PBS...?" Without skipping a beat and landing myself in a great position for more mockery, I asked if Bob Villa was perhaps the man he was searching for. Of course he was.
3. Like you, I (often involuntarily) ask "Who sings this?" when music is playing.
But there's a clear difference in the way you and I ask this question. You ask because you know the answer. For you it's like this great little quiz show taking place in our mini-van that none of us realized we were on until you threw the question out there. I don't know how you know who sang all of these songs and who their second drummer was, but there must be a special folder in your brain for this sort of thing. And I think Jessica would agree that one of the funniest things that has ever happened in real life was you providing the hint, "It rhymes with pickleback."
When I ask "Who sings this?" or "What are we listening to?" it's a fact finding mission. I've heard something I like and I would like to make sure that I hear more of it at some point in the future. When it comes to recognizing voices, sounds, hell even instruments, I'm no good. So, I need a name I can look up later. But... in reality, I'll probably forget anyway. The important thing though, is that I ask the question.
So, in summary, I may be states away, forgetting holidays and birthdays, and not calling as often as I should. But I'm also walking around with your mannerisms, making your jokes, and flashing peace signs to the motorcycle caravans that pass me on the road. That's pretty good, right?
French braids on long haired little girls require two hands, but precision in the aforementioned braids requires a comb. So... while your hands worked, your teeth held the comb. Back and forth it went. The bite on the comb making the exact same noise every time.
(I couldn't find a yellow one. But I tried really hard.)
As much as I love this crisp, hollow little noise, my buzzed head hadn't thought about it for years. Until I was putting away some laundry in my grown ass home. One of my fussy, grown ass shirts was refusing to cooperate and I accidentally discovered that these hangers, when bitten, make exactly the same noise.
Only these though. The skinnier ones are different, and the metal hooked ones are only good if you enjoy memories of being a large-mouth bass.
So... there you have it, Mom. I love my hair short and I can't imagine it any other way, but every once in a while, I wouldn't mind sitting backwards on the closed toilet seat and having you braid my hair. My biggest concern being which one of these I would end up with.
I hate April Fools Day. Hate it. More than Valentine's Day (which I don't fully hate, truth be told). April 1st makes me nervous. This year I accidentally scheduled student conferences over April Fools Day and breathed a deep sigh of relief when the day ended and not one of my students did anything stupid.
What does any of this have to do with the burger?
Not much. Only that I made it in April. And there is no meat to be had in this Bacon Cheeseburger. Honest.
Watch. We'll start from the bottom.
One whole wheat English muffin, toasted in the panini press.
One chargrilled Boca burger, fried up in a little bit of oil in a skillet. A piece of pepper jack cheese on top.
Two strips of facon.
English muffin top.
I'm sure you're skeptical. I mean, I was. I'm a fan of the meatless products, but I don't put too much stock in them. They are usually blandish, rubbery, or otherwise just passible as foodstuffs. How-ev-er, this burger was excellent. Frying it up allowed it to brown really well and cook without being tough or soggy. And you all know how I feel about facon. So... as you can see... I started noming on this burger as soon as I assembled it. About 10 minutes later...
the fries were done and made a quick stop on some paper towels before being piled high on my plate. And there is a little April Fools-like twist to the fries too. They aren't potatoes, as you can tell, but they aren't sweet potatoes either. Those are carrot fries. And they are amazingly delicious.
To make them, just cut carrots into fry shapes, toss in olive oil, and sprinkle with salt and pepper. Bake at 425 for about 25 minutes, flipping them once at the midpoint, and then... eat them all. I used three big carrots for this one portion and it was perfect.
Oh em gee. This was a really great meal.
A Note about Vegetarianism: Sunday night when I mentioned this meal to friends, Blair scoffed at it and informed me that our continued friendship hinged on my continued enjoyment of actual meat. Just in case some of you are ready to take your carnivorous ways elsewhere, I'll say that I love animals and I love eating them.
And... as a matter of fact, thanks to Blair, I sucked on my first crawfish head this weekend. And went back for more. So there's that.
When I collected the last annotated bibliography and fled campus this afternoon, I felt extremely entitled to a moment of supreme relaxation. I got home, put on the pjs, and grabbed my laptop. The plan was to take a nap after nosing around the interwebs a bit, but when I got settled in with the laptop I realized I wanted a glass of water.
However... when I approached the refrigerator, what jumped out was this...
Good thing I know that a traditional margarita is made with a 3:2:1 ratio of tequila:triple sec or cointreau:lime juice. The unit I used was the good ol' tablespoon or the equivalent of half an ounce.
In the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that one of these happened too.
But look at it! It's hideous! See that hole in it?! I couldn't possibly serve that to aaaaanyone. So... it had to be done.
Ugh... Maybe it's because I even teach in my sleep these days, but I swear I can see you blogensteins raising your hands. Let me do my best to head you off at the pass.
No, you didn't miss my explanation of the mystery sweet above. And yes, when I'm good and ready, I'll tell you exactly what that sweet is, how you can make it, and what percentage of your grade will be docked if you make it but turn it in late.
Um... sorry... I think I'm going to take that nap now.
This post is going to be a little bit out of keeping from my usual shtick. You see... the product I created this morning was not amazing. From the Cherry "Five Spice" Cake to the blue cinnamon cream cheese icing, nothing went quite right for me. Was it tasty? Not really. Is it something people will want to duplicate? Nah, gurl.
So why bore you with the play-by-play?
Exactly my conclusion.
I will say that the fortune cookie recipe (and procedure) is one you should definitely try. If you have... a lot of time... an excess of patience... and an obsessive compulsive desire to do the same thing many times in a row until you create five serviceable cookies that are maybe tasty. If that sounds like you, then hop over to Cheeky Kitchen's fortune cookie post. Heck... you'll probably want to check it out anyway... she makes it look easy.
If you're still with me, then I'm going to answer the age old question: How do I eat a cupcake with fortune cookie on top?
Come on, don't pretend like you haven't tossed and turned over this question. So many things to consider...
Anyway... I'm going to do the heavy lifting for you, because... well, I care about you. Here's what you should do:
1. Undress that sucker. Treat her like a lady, but like a lady you'd like better naked.
2. Careful not to disturb the cookie, take a bite of the cupcake. (If it's my cupcake, then take a moment to be disappointed in the lack of cherry-ness to the cake. Note the sad blah-ness of the icing, while you're at it.)
3. Gingerly (yeah... ginger was one of my five spices... It was actually a play on Chinese Five-Spice and not actually the spice called "Five-Spice." The fails just keep coming, don't they?) pluck the fortune cookie from it's icing bed.
4. Break open the cookie and behold thy fortune!
"Conditions are perfect"???
Hopefully I have at least one reader who caught the Flight of the Concords reference. But if you didn't catch it this time, you will next time. Enjoy...
(possibly NSFW if you work with children or stuffy people)
Wait a minute... I've objectified a baked good. I've failed to live up to expectations. I've mentioned feelings. I've quoted a love song (kinda?).
Sara from Ms. Adventures in Italy and Michelle from Bleeding Espresso (and Shelley from At Home in Rome, in spirit) solemnly declare Friday, February 5th “World Nutella Day 2010″ – a day to celebrate, to get creative with, and most importantly, to EAT Nutella.
Because I like to do what I'm told...
Disclaimer: (Is it still a disclaimer if it comes after the thing it's disclaiming? Or does it technically have to come before and warn you of the badness ahead? Anyways...) Video is 7 and a half minutes of Amanda time, largely uncut, until the ending at which point there is a large, abrupt, dramatic cut that is jarring at best. I understand but I'm too tired to do any better. Remember that the time between when I learned of Nutella Day and the time of posting was about three hours.
For the readers among you, here's the recipe:
gather... Two slices of pound cake Smathering of Nutella (As much as you can handle... It's a holiday after all.) Banana slices (six fit on my slices)
do... Make the sandwich, kids. I really should have to explain it, right? Panini that thing on the middle setting for 2 minutes. Eat and enjoy.
This morning I got a text from the friend who helped me make those groundhog (mistaken for walrus) cupcakes. She reminded me of the anniversary and wished me a "Happy not walrus day!"
I'll be honest... before I got her text... I had no idea that today is Groundhog Day.
But! Now that I know... I figured I'd let her nostalgia throw me into my own.
Last year at this time:
I was living in Maine, tromping to and from campus (through the snow) to teach one class of 22 students and take two graduate courses of my own. My 101 class was about Oprah and popular culture; I honestly cannot tell you what my own classes were on.
I was a nervous wreck over job applications and life plans.
I blogged most days.
I had a roommate, an adorable apartment with three floors, a collection of winter clothing that now mostly belongs to Goodwill, an aloe plant that I'm still trying not to kill, and a gorgeous kitchen with windows on three sides.
My hair was a couple of inches longer, shaggier, and black.
I had a love affair with potatoes and pasta and had one or both most days.
I was staring at a tub of red fondant and wondering whether or not I'd be able to pull off my super ambitious plan.
I could not imagine reading and commenting on 92 student papers in 48 hours, while teaching and living a semi-normal life.
How-ev-er... that 92 paper task is the one set before me today. Well... the rest of the task, at least. I got the papers yesterday and I have 31 to finish by tomorrow at 9am. Easy peasy.
If only I'd stop taking these breaks to chat, blog, facebook, and tweet.
Eh... who are we kidding? These breaks maintain sanity. That's an important part of the work effort in my book.
By the way, does anybody know if that Punxsutawney character saw his shadow? I mean... it's not really important since I live in sunny GA and honestly wouldn't be able to tell if what they call "winter" continued for another 6 weeks, but still... I'm curious.
Interestingly enough, you all were most interested in my family.
Hmm... perhaps when I offered you this option, I should have had some funny little family stories in mind.
Let's see. I could tell you about my family's yearly tradition of lightlooking... but this year we worked that adventure down to about a 35 second experience.
I could tell you about my family's first experience with a turducken, or... as they referred to it "turkenducken", "churchucken", "urckenturd", and "just plain wrong." But... we were all pretty disappointed when we cut into it and found it was mostly turkey cutlets with some indistinguishable chicken and a duck nugget (I know... but I don't know what else to call just a tiny piece of duck meat).
I could also tell you about playing with my nephews third cousins and having my age guessed as 17, 60, and 23... in that order, and being told by a two foot tall, one year old that I'm short. But that is neither humorous nor particularly surprising.
What I will tell you about, dear readers, are the horror films that punctuated the time I spent at home with my family. For some reason, there were a lot them this Christmas. Not quite the idyllic white Christmas post you had in mind?
Perrrfect.
I'll start with my favorite, just in case this is the only review you read.
This French film is flawless. Perhaps that's a lot of praise to give away, but I don't pretend to know anything about legitimate film review, so I'm okay with that. Basically, two friends drive out to the country to spend some time studying and visiting the one girl's family. How-ev-er... before they even get a chance to see the farmhouse in the daylight, a crazy psycho killer makes life very interesting (and bloody) for both of them. The movie is disgusting, empowering, unnerving, and a really good time.
My recommendation: Watch it more than once. The second time with newbies. And please, please, please watch it in French with subtitles, if necessary. Dubbing is an extremely poor choice for this film. Anyway, once the good stuff starts to go down, there isn't much talking at all.
IT (1990)
Well... this Stephen King gem is a classic. And... that is about all I can say about it. My brother had been after IT since I arrived in VA (and probably long before that... but I wouldn't know), so when we started it just before I left to come back to GA we were all atwitter. Sadly, the clown is not that creepy, the "special effects" are laughable, the acting is subpar and overall the film seems to be more about the evils of bullying than the evils of that yellow-fanged clown. There are reasons you should watch IT though; John Boy (of The Walton's fame, duh) sports a rockin' ponytail but you totally wouldn't know it from the feathery banged front. It's like the ultimate party-in-the-back situation.
Caveat: I didn't finish IT. I watched the first DVD but started falling asleep about 20 minutes into the second DVD.
My recommendation: Watch this clip, starting at 8:15, to see the most tender love story I've seen in a long time. And don't forget to admire the ponytail. See how you'd never guess it were there from the front? Amazing.
The Plague (2006)
Now this one is not so easy to peg as High Tension (love!) or IT (snore!). The Plague, an indy film about the reawakening of all children aged 10-19 who became catatonic a decade ago, boasts a cast that includes... James Van Der Beek... and no one else we've heard of. The previously catatonic teenagers closely resemble zombies and their killing is ritualized and creepy enough, but the production value of this piece is what really sets it apart. For instance, I'm pretty sure that they used a high school in the first third of the film, hung plastic along the interiors and posted a sign about renovations, and used that same high school as the sheriff's office of the 20 minutes of running-around-scared action.
My recommendation: Watch it with those friends who will help you create a Mystery Science Theater atmosphere. The best part of this movie for me was when my friend yelled out, "OH! She got her with the pants pistol!!!"
This Christmas I also kinda watched The Hills Have Eyes, Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning, and another one that I can't even remember that involved zombies and a "To Be Continued" that has... well... yet to be continued. But... the three movies I presented you with here were the standouts for me.
Take away message of this Family Oddities post, Winter '09 edition: My family is odd. Given the opportunity to be together and have warm chestnut-roasting times, we will play nice during the daylight hours and do our very best to horrify each other come nightfall.
I'll leave you with a statement my dad very quietly made in the kitchen one night while my brother, sister, and their friends watched one of the Texas Chainsaw movies in the livingroom:
I'm sure this doesn't surprise you, but I love when people - usually news anchors or school administrators - develop instant nostalgia. You know... the way people talk about something that happened yesterday or maybe the day before with such awe and reverence that you start to question yourself and your lack of concern over that same, fairly insignificant event.
An example:
The Gosselins: Where are they now?
(Personally... I'd watch that special. I know it hasn't even been a week since their finale on Monday, but I miss them.)
Anyway, I'm already getting nostalgic about yesterday's Thanksgiving meal. It was... really quite good. I blame the chef.
Literally, my Thanksgiving meal was made by a friend who is a former executive and then restaurant chef.
We had...
The most moist, delicious, roast turkey I've ever had.
Also on the plate: roasted root vegetables, garlicky asparagus, melt-in-your-mouth onion, creamy mashed potatoes, and baked squash. Not pictured: amazing gravy made from reduced drippings, and cranberry pear relish spiked with orange Stoli.
Sigh.
Luckily, my nostalgia will be calmed a bit when I eat my plate of leftovers tonight.
And stay tuned for dessert. You can look forward to a better picture (and an explanation) of this guy...
And his awkwardly portioned friends.
What'd you eat yesterday? Thanksgiving or not... I'm just curious.
When the fellow in the middle was commissioned to zip my $9 Goodwill dress of infinite tightness, he gripped the zipper, started pulling up and asked only one question:
"We're going all the way up?"
Yes, dear. Have a bit of faith.
This morning, when one of my students asked how my weekend was, I thought about it and said, "It was nice."
When she asked me if I did anything for Halloween, I said (without thinking), "No... I didn't... How was your dad's haunted house?" She launched into a story about scaring children and I returned to my gradebook.
And... we're back to normal. At least for another 362 days. Sigh.
skullikin [skull-ih-ken] (n.) 1. a skull that possesses some notable quality that either renders it adorable, frightening, or in some way laughable. read: all skulls. 2. a skeleton complete with skull.
Halloween is just around the corner, so I think we can officially declare this Halloween week.
I wish I had more time this week in order to make the absolute most of this holiday. It really is my favorite holiday. More than Christmas or even my birthday, Halloween gives me something to look forward to all fall.
And now it's here!
So let's make skullikin cookies for the occasion, no?
I painstakingly sliced sugar cookie dough (that wasn't the painstaking part) and cut away everything that wasn't a skullikin. I was so excited about the look of these cookies.
But...
They baked up like blobs. Not even skullikin blobs.
Back to the drawing board, I scaled the skullikins way down and tried again.
And these were much more manageable. The eyes and nose still filled in, but as soon as they came out of the oven, I poked them in with the round end of a swizzle stick.
Such work for such little reward. But, alas, these skullikins served their purpose on the Zombie Cupcakes and they were prepared dough tasty.
So, boys and girls, I'm curious. What are you going to be for Halloween?
1. I fell asleep before 11pm last night. Soporific Project Runway episodes FTW!
2. My radio station played "(I Had) The Time of My Life" during my 6 minute commute to campus. I didn't even have to ask! I sang every word with all the verve and gusto I could summon.
3. Even after shaving my legs, I was ready early enough this morning to get a bagel for my mid-office hours brunch.
4. During my office hours, I'm going to start reading my new book, How to Be a People Magnet by Leil Lowndes. If you've had more than 2 conversations with me, you will probably recall my love for How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You. Same author.
5. At 1:50pm (on the dot), I'll be off until Wednesday at 8am. I plan to fill my time with a roadtrip complete with book on tape, a book festival complete with crazy high school roommate, and countless scoops of Bruster's icecream... complete with dinosaur cookies. I'm also going to test my magnetism, if you get my drift.
So... Can your good day top mine?
Update: At 10:30pm, while eating Turtle ice cream at Bruster's with Kira and her socially anxious but still adorable dog, Lila, "Hungry Eyes" played over the loud speaker. It was damn poetry.
Disclaimer: This post gets a full on "Disaster" tag. Not that "Near Disaster" tag that I've been giving recipes that almost worked or that worked but not how I expected them to. Here's why.
Yeah... let's just start with the visual. We'll go ahead and let the cheesecake stand in for white, but do you see anything that even a little bit resembles red or blue?
Nah. Me neither. I forgot how unblue blueberries really are. I thought about enhancing the fillings with red and blue coloring but quickly threw that option out the window. And then I threw something else.
See that area at about 8:45 where the crust kind of blends into the cheesecake? Yeah... I had a little water bath issue and ended up flooding my cheesecake at that very point. I tried to remedy the situation by throwing a paper towel on my cheesecake to soak up the water before it absorbed. I don't know either.
So my colors are off, and I flooded the cheesecake, but... the polka dot technique will still wow people.
No... no, I'm afraid it won't. You see, there is a reason I couldn't find any examples of people polka-dotting cheesecakes with fruit flavors. The polka dot cheesecake technique is done with cocoa because cocoa thickens the cheesecake filling rather than thinning it.
Do you see polka dots in my cheesecake?
Perhaps here?
No. The thin fruit fillings mostly showed up on top of the cheesecake even though they were piped into the cheesecake. I don't know how it happened; that's why it's a disaster.
This is about as close as we got to polka dots. A mushroom-shaped blueberry blob. And... it makes sense that it be mushroom-shaped because my sister thought the uncut cheesecake resembled some type of poisonous mold. If the rest of the cheesecake were successful, I'd have covered the top with... something... but this disaster didn't even merit that much effort.
My sister found and photographed this dot. It's getting there but still not right. I now know for a fact that fruit polka dots do not hold up in cheesecake like cocoa polka dots do. Fair enough. Lesson learned.
How did it taste? (you might ask.)
Good! I used the cheesecake recipe from the Daring Bakers April challenge and it came through again. I chose iced oatmeal cookies for the crust this time and I would highly recommend that. It got rave reviews from my testers. Also, if you use the iced cookies you can omit the sugar called for in the crust. I did and no one missed it.
In conclusion: Cheesecake with random pockets of raspberry flavor (the blueberry, for some reason was barely discernable --- again, disaster) and an oatmeal crust - very tasty. Fruit polka dots - very unsuccessful.
