With Thanksgiving just around the corner, I'm sure many of you are getting ready to welcome friends and family into your homes. I know what you're up against. You're anxious about the timing of dinner, the comfort of your guests, and the random statements that will come flying out of your grandfather's mouth. So, dear reader, let me calm you down a bit. Sit back, relax, and learn from my (not terribly) recent experience.
Here's what not to do mere minutes before guests show up at your door.
The morning of your guests arrival, do not fondly remember the ambitious (but delicious) zombie cupcakes of a few weeks back.
Do not let the zombie remembrance remind you of the giant two layer Chocolate Cake with Turtle filling in your freezer.
Do not let the memory of cupcakes gone by encourage you to pull the two cakes from their frozen safety and thaw them. The day of your guests arrival.
And once the cakes are thawed, you might not want to take a picture of the mammoth cakes just to show your friends later that yes, you could in fact lift a giant two layer Paula Deen cake full of caramel, chocolate, and nuts.
Okay... you might want to take the pic, because even once things really hit the fan, you'll at least have a goofy shot of yourself that might just one day turn into a blog header... or something.
Anyway... back to it.
Oh... it's getting more obvious, isn't it.
Please don't decide that one hour is plenty of time in which to make and pour the chocolate icing over the cake before your guests knock on your door.
And... ugh... this really getting hard to talk about... I think it's still too fresh.
Please, please don't answer the phone when your guests call you from 20 minutes out and say, "20 minutes? That's actually perfect. I'm just pouring an icing on my cake real quick and then I'll head up to the coffee shop. I'll sit outside and wait for you there."
Because you just had to know that the 1/2 inch lip you left around the giant cake on the biggest plate you have was not going to hold that icing. And you should have seen it coming when the icing started pouring over the sides without covering and your (silly) response was to add more to the top.
So, yes, if you've gotten this far and done this much this wrong, then you will just have to suck it up, pick up your guests, and welcome them into your home, now complete with chocolate icing dripping down the counter, drawer pull, cabinet, and well onto the floor.
Even your Kitchen Aid will be embarrassed to be seen like this.
But... even if everything goes as wrong for you as it did for me, it doesn't mean your guests' visit is doomed. We had fun. Didn't we, Kira?