Tuesday, February 22, 2011

On Singledom... and Why I Need It.

(Note: This post was started way back on... January 2nd... as a response to this prompt at The Femme's Guide. I missed the deadline like woah. But I still wanted to share. So... go with it.)

On January 2nd, 2011 a friend asked me what my New Year’s resolution was. Not if I made one, but what mine was.

Every year before this one, I would have been able to honestly dismiss the question by saying I don’t make resolutions. I’d use my handy, “if it’s a good idea in January, then I should have done it in December” excuse.

But… this year… I’d made a resolution.

So… I took a deep breath and texted (yes, texted… judge all you want) this back:

My resolution is to be fabulous and single in 2011.

Her first response: Aren’t you already both?

Umm… not quite. (But thanks! ) If I were, I wouldn’t need the resolution.

Her second response (within the same minute, mind you): If you met someone great, why would you want to be single?

That, admittedly, is a more difficult question to answer. Why would anyone want to be single? Why would I want to be single?

When I think about cuddling up, holding hands on the sidewalk, having a someone who cares about my day, or arriving home to something more responsive than a KitchenAid mixer, I… can’t really say that I do want to be single. But… that is the exact type of thinking that I want to move beyond in 2011.

The past two or three years, for me, have been a continual bounce between being in love and searching for the same. In love, I daydreamed, smiled a lot, made a lot of gutsy moves, made even more mixed cds, and generally played my part as the 20-something, ditsy in love. Between great loves (cough, cough), I scouted for the next one. I approached women in bars and coffee shops. I chatted with them online. I followed them on twitter. I flirted with straight girls and I agreed to dates I knew were bad ideas. And… might as well admit it, I even found some chicky chicks on Craigslist.

It was fun (at times), and I eventually became that girl with the crazy stories. You know the one… the girl who only needs a “soooo…?” and a smile to launch her into the weekend recap? Well… that was me. Was me… in 2010. But it’s not going to be me in 2011.

In 2011, I am going to be fabulous and single.

Did I mention that? Because I am. In addition to all the normal things like cleaning the kitchen before going to bed, covering my firewood before it starts raining, and finding the perfect white gold earrings, I am going to tackle the much harder mission of being single and being happy about it.

I’ve painted a very impressive picture of this in my mind. It involves me, in the best shape of my life, happy, winsome, and beyond charming as I politely decline dates and wave off suitors left and right.

(In this picture, I’m also on the dance floor in an outfit that I could probably only afford in such a dream sequence… but that’s not the important bit, is it?)

So… that’s what I’m after.

I don’t want to be that girl who is tied to her phone, waiting for a text and wondering what it could possibly mean when she goes an afternoon without getting one. I don’t want my mood to be tied to someone else’s current take on me. I want to wear my favorite underwear on a Tuesday, if I feel like it, because I’m not the least bit concerned about who might need to see them and when.

I want to be the fun, together, productive girl that I know lives somewhere inside me.

And when former loves stroll up to introduce the new girls who are just perfect, I’ll smile wide (revealing beautiful white teeth) and raise my perfectly shadowed lids and mascara-ed lashes to make comfortable eye contact with both of them. My sexy heels clicking as I return to my car, coffee shop, or classroom, I’ll remind myself that my single and fabulous self won’t be angrily arguing something trivial that afternoon or getting its feelings hurt over dinner.

Then… one day… maybe years from now… someone will make me an offer I can’t refuse.

Annnd… I’ll refuse it.

But only so she’ll make it again, with more feeling.

Until then… it’s protein bars, P90x, platonic outings, and being the token lesbian again. I’m fine with all of that. I’m actually kind of looking forward to it.

Who's with me? Any 2011 singletons who (like me) need a jolt of fab in their lives?


cookingnerd said...

Go guuuurrrllllllllll. Everyone (singletons and couples) should strive for fab ... not to please anyone ... not to get laid, or to make a significant other stay ... but just because everyone should have the right to look in the mirror and say, "I am fabulous" without adding anything extra to that phrase (like "... because I date an awesome person," or "... because girls flock to me," etc. etc.). Thanks for reminding me of that. : )

P.S. Does this mean I don't get stories that start off with 'Sooooooo'? Because I really like those.

Amber said...

I think this is an excellent goal. And while I may be enjoying NOT being single, I think it's awesome that you have decided to make it fabulous. Because we ALL need fabulosity in our lives, single or taken.

Amanda said...

CookingNerd, you were my "sooo...?" inspiration. You're the best at that. And you know that no matter how I act or how fabulous I become, I will still attract (and befriend) hot messes.

Well said, Amber. The end goal of this resolution is to be fabulous no matter what. Single, partnered, or living in commune situation.

Kate said...

Love this! So much. And you.

Amber said...

I love this resolution. As someone who in January dealt with two near-disastrous crushes, I've decided to go a similar route, minus the P90x. I'm just way to chicken. How is it going?

Me! said...

i am disturbed by people who feel they need someone else in their lives to make them happy. it makes me happy when people embrace their independence and focus on themselves

Stephanie said...

Love this post! I wasn't single for long between my long term boyfriends (one for five years, this one is a little over two years) but it was nice to be single and not looking