When people find out I'm a writing teacher, they most often respond with something along these lines:

"Ooooh... I could never do your job."

"I hated English! Nothing against you or anything. I'm sure your class is different."

or... my favorite...

"Don't judge my writing/speaking! I'm terrible with grammar!"

This last response is my favorite because, well, I don't do that. I could get into all the purpose, audience, and context of the thing and why I won't "judge" you, but...

Wait a damn minute. This is my blog. I can get into anything I want.

It all comes down to audience.

People who 'find out' that I'm a teacher rarely ever make that discovery while they sit among 20 of their peers all looking in the same direction (at me) as I move about the classroom addressing them, gesticulating wildly, and making sometimes decipherable notes on the board.

To put it another way... these people (you people) are not my students.

It's not my job, nay my calling, to correct you. It's not your young mind that I'm interested in molding. And... as a poor teacher, I am not into pro bono work just yet.

Carry on, friends. And remember... when it really comes down to it, I spell skillz with a "z."

The Suspense is terrible...

I hope it will last.

It was brought to my attention that my last post read like an end-of-semester meltdown. Well. Since that wasn't really my intent... I thought I'd follow that post with another on just exactly why this week is AWESOME.

+ I have a new friend. And she's nearly a pharmacist. (Therefore... cooler than you.)

+ I've gotten to watch The Golden Girls three nights this week.

+ I updated ye olde CV and now it's in God and my boss's hands.

+ The weather in GA is beyond fab.

+ A friend is visiting this weekend. There are already pool plans.

+ My stack of ungraded papers has been chiseled down to 13.

+ My car just needed a good night's rest and a full tank of gas.

+ Blair had leftover cupcakes on her counter today. She may have four fewer now than she did when I found them. (Shut up... they were mini cupcakes. And besides, who are you to judge me anyway?)

+ I huggled two different dogs today.

+ My credit card bill came to a humorous nine dollars and sixty two cents. Big spender!

+ I heard "Mr. Big Stuff" and Billy Joel's "My Life" on the radio in the same, 9 minute car trip.

So there! You happy now? I think... Yes, I think that this list might have been easier to come up with than the downer one. Oh! But I forgot something...

+ It's the last week of classes!

Scenes from our next episode...

I decorated these. In a pretty serious way. And soon I'll give you the dirty (read: extremely clean and even kinda cutesy) details.

But not now.

Now I'm going to tell you exactly why this week sucks.

+ My car has a cough.

+ I lost my wallet (for a minute, but it wasn't ever really gone).

+ I've been putting off a trip to Walmart for weeks. I went today but... I thought I'd forgotten my wallet and didn't go in.

+ I've read a little over 2/5 of my students' final papers. Can't tell you for sure b/c I left my gradebook in the office.

+ My hair is an awkward length.

+ Today I had pickles for lunch.

+ I've started drinking coffee again and it's all I think about.

+ So far this week, I've left my headlights on twice. Both times nice people have told me within 5 minutes (Represent, GA!).

+ Justin Bieber's mom fell victim to a Belieber stampede today.

+ It's the last week of classes.

+ It's the last week of classes.

+ It's the last week of classes.

How are your weeks, loves?

I'll get by with a little help from my readers

I'm looking at the week ahead of me, and I've come to a very serious conclusion. I will need to bake. And I will need to bake something complicated. With yeast. You see... this week I will be conducting...


29 conferences, actually. 3 students in each. Spread over 5 days.

So, do me a favor, will ya?

Check out the poll on the right side of the blog there, and make this one decision for me. On Wednesday, I will check the poll, shop accordingly, and bake my stress away. Your options are:

1. Cranberry Walnut Bagels: I've been planning and putting these off for weeks, but the recipe promises to be like Panera's Pink Ribbon bagel (my favorite ever!).

2. Soft Pretzels: Sounds basic, so I'll make a sweet and a savory version.

3. Savory Braided Bread: I haven't decided exactly what will be tucked inside yet, but there will be animal of some sort.

Go! Vote! (No log-in required.) The poll will close Wednesday at noon.

It's 5:00 Somewhere...

but it's Spring Break here!

When I collected the last annotated bibliography and fled campus this afternoon, I felt extremely entitled to a moment of supreme relaxation. I got home, put on the pjs, and grabbed my laptop. The plan was to take a nap after nosing around the interwebs a bit, but when I got settled in with the laptop I realized I wanted a glass of water.

However... when I approached the refrigerator, what jumped out was this...


Good thing I know that a traditional margarita is made with a 3:2:1 ratio of tequila:triple sec or cointreau:lime juice. The unit I used was the good ol' tablespoon or the equivalent of half an ounce.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should admit that one of these happened too.


But look at it! It's hideous! See that hole in it?! I couldn't possibly serve that to aaaaanyone. So... it had to be done.

Ugh... Maybe it's because I even teach in my sleep these days, but I swear I can see you blogensteins raising your hands. Let me do my best to head you off at the pass.

No, you didn't miss my explanation of the mystery sweet above. And yes, when I'm good and ready, I'll tell you exactly what that sweet is, how you can make it, and what percentage of your grade will be docked if you make it but turn it in late.

Um... sorry... I think I'm going to take that nap now.

Week of Wardrobe Wednesday: Let's See How Long This Lasts...

Well, dangit.

Not only did you guys like the Week of Wardrobe post, many of you said it should be a weekly feature. Weekly? WEEKLY? Do you not know how much pressure that is?!

Let's just think about this, shall we? I can't have off days. I can't ignore the laundry pile growing in my closet. I can't wear the same shirt two Tuesdays in a row. I can't wear one pair of jeans an entire week. I can't teach in a white t-shirt and an oversized (not in the good way) sweater because I just couldn't care less that day. I can't have a bad hair day, for goodness sake, without you guys knowing.

But... then again... it is probably a good idea for me to be slightly more on top of my appearance on a regular basis. Like I said in the title of this post, let's just see how long this lasts.

Wednesday:


Sushi Night. Has nothing to do with my preppenstein get-up, but Sushi Night is a good thing to look forward to mid-week. Never mind that I don't care for sushi. The company is good.

Thursday:


After teaching one class, I came home and shed the teacher costume (no, I didn't photograph it, nor do I remember what it was) and did some dishes. I think I made a panini too...

Friday:


I'm proud of this outfit that saw me through a faculty retreat, lunch and shopping downtown with friends, and a cupcakery visit. (That's right... Back in the Day!)

Saturday:


Inspired by Friday's shopping, I tried to put together something cute and hipster. I finally decided that if I were going to clash, I should do it purposefully. This is the only explanation I can give you for the navy + black + pink + red situation.

Sunday:


Don't have anything witty or of interest to say about this outfit. The jeans are secondhand and pinstriped. The hoody has cartoon exclamation points on it. And the flats are floral. That's three patterns, but somehow I consider this outfit to be more neutral than most of mine.

Monday:


This outfit says, "But of course I'll be at Mrs. Habersham's garden party. Anyone who is anyone will make an appearance." This picture says, "Shoot, did it really beep three times already..."

Tuesday:


I love this shirt for two reasons. Those reasons are: Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman and Lady Gaga in... anything poofy sleeved and rouched.

I'd also like to apologize for the open trashcan, the spread eagle KitchenAid (I swear she's usually more demure), and the open cabinet. You see... I was baking for sanity. That seems to be happening more often lately.

Well... that's my Week of Wardrobe. You can check out Kate's week here. Sooo what's the verdict?

Are ya bored yet?

Sticky Buns and Stinkin' Students

As it turns out, my students are the willing, eager to please sort. They're working hard and they're confident in my ability help them improve their writing. Though I'm asking them to challenge themselves, they come in each day with smiles on their faces, knowing they are well on their way.


If you believed that, then you've probably already gotten what you came here for. However, if you, like me, had a rough work week, then stick around. You're in good company.


When I had my fill on Thursday, I turned to baking for consolation. And you can tell my need for release was serious, because I turned allll the way to yeast.

My strategy for relieving student-induced stress: Cinnamon Buns with Peach & Pecan.


I followed the Neely's recipe for Nana's Cinnamon Rolls and made a few changes.

- diced dried peaches instead of raisins
- 2.5 cups whole wheat flour & 2.5 cups of AP flour (instead of 5 cups AP)
- shake of ground clove in the filling (I wanted to complement the peaches, but I don't know that it was perceptible. Next time I'll add more.)

And... really... they were pretty good. The peach bits were great to bite into. But... I didn't make these buns to eat them, so I just had a bit of one before I wrapped them all up to share with friends tomorrow night.

I made these buns primarily so that I could focus my energy on a series of tasks and emerge a few hours later with a student sticky bun who that wouldn't yell at me.

Sigh. Ah well. Tomorrow's a new, four-class day. : )

Tell me, what do you do to get over work frustrations?

Happy Groundhog Day! (A Retrospective)

Today I lazily present you with last year's Groundhog Day cupcakes.

And... a little bit of a review.

This morning I got a text from the friend who helped me make those groundhog (mistaken for walrus) cupcakes. She reminded me of the anniversary and wished me a "Happy not walrus day!"

I'll be honest... before I got her text... I had no idea that today is Groundhog Day.

But! Now that I know... I figured I'd let her nostalgia throw me into my own.

Last year at this time:

I was living in Maine, tromping to and from campus (through the snow) to teach one class of 22 students and take two graduate courses of my own. My 101 class was about Oprah and popular culture; I honestly cannot tell you what my own classes were on.

I was a nervous wreck over job applications and life plans.

I blogged most days.

I had a roommate, an adorable apartment with three floors, a collection of winter clothing that now mostly belongs to Goodwill, an aloe plant that I'm still trying not to kill, and a gorgeous kitchen with windows on three sides.

My hair was a couple of inches longer, shaggier, and black.

I had a love affair with potatoes and pasta and had one or both most days.

I was staring at a tub of red fondant and wondering whether or not I'd be able to pull off my super ambitious plan.

I could not imagine reading and commenting on 92 student papers in 48 hours, while teaching and living a semi-normal life.

How-ev-er... that 92 paper task is the one set before me today. Well... the rest of the task, at least. I got the papers yesterday and I have 31 to finish by tomorrow at 9am. Easy peasy.

If only I'd stop taking these breaks to chat, blog, facebook, and tweet.

Eh... who are we kidding? These breaks maintain sanity. That's an important part of the work effort in my book.

By the way, does anybody know if that Punxsutawney character saw his shadow? I mean... it's not really important since I live in sunny GA and honestly wouldn't be able to tell if what they call "winter" continued for another 6 weeks, but still... I'm curious.

Starve a Cold, Feed a Fever (?)

Is that the way the saying goes? I... ya know... could google it. But it's not really that important. Because... well... I eat when I want. Sick or not.

But this weekend, I am a bit sick.

I blame my students. All 109 of them.

I used to be one of those people who could say, "Oh... I don't get sick." (It wasn't true. It never is when people say that, but they still say it.) Anyway, since I've started teaching, I can't even pretend.

So today I might be dealing with the swine flu. About a dozen of my students have it. It only makes sense.

But I'm taking it in stride. And tomorrow when I go back to class, I'm going to do my best to "Spread It Around!"**

And finally... I fed the swine flu. I fed it:

+ a baconeggandcheese bagel sandwich
+ a grande soy caramel macchiatto
+ Simply orange with pineapple
+ leftover spaghetti with rosemary sauce (stay tuned)
+ pita chips & roasted garlic hummus
+ V8 red pepper soup with a buttered, toasted honey wheat bagel
+ 2 cups of decaf coffee (in progress at time of typing)

Doesn't that just look ridiculous all written out like that?

Well... I regret none of it. And I can't promise it will end there.

** Cool people will have recognized the Golden Girls reference. "Spread It Around!" was Blanche's incorrect understanding of the Sunshine Cadet's motto. Dorothy quickly righted her: "Sunshine, Blanche! Spread sunshine around." And... like the cadets... I plan to spread around nothing but sunshine tomorrow. I'm no supporter of this pandemic.

Why I <3 Today

1. I fell asleep before 11pm last night. Soporific Project Runway episodes FTW!

2. My radio station played "(I Had) The Time of My Life" during my 6 minute commute to campus. I didn't even have to ask! I sang every word with all the verve and gusto I could summon.

3. Even after shaving my legs, I was ready early enough this morning to get a bagel for my mid-office hours brunch.

4. During my office hours, I'm going to start reading my new book, How to Be a People Magnet by Leil Lowndes. If you've had more than 2 conversations with me, you will probably recall my love for How to Make Anyone Fall in Love with You. Same author.

5. At 1:50pm (on the dot), I'll be off until Wednesday at 8am. I plan to fill my time with a roadtrip complete with book on tape, a book festival complete with crazy high school roommate, and countless scoops of Bruster's icecream... complete with dinosaur cookies. I'm also going to test my magnetism, if you get my drift.


So... Can your good day top mine?


Update: At 10:30pm, while eating Turtle ice cream at Bruster's with Kira and her socially anxious but still adorable dog, Lila, "Hungry Eyes" played over the loud speaker. It was damn poetry.

What I Learned Today, Aug. 17, 2009

Today was the first day of school, so I started off on the right foot by... well... learning things. So please enjoy What I Learned Today.


1. The perfect costume for today can be confidence in textiles.


However... the picture of said textile confidence can be oh-so-disappointing when you realize that you haven't gotten to the "wash mirror" portion of the VA -> GA move. Ugh.

2. There is no accounting for taste.


This painting is the only thing in my office at the moment. It needs to come down yesterday. I mean... I really love it and the wall color. And the purple door trim. (0_o)

3. There are faculty perks.


Some universities (read: mine) have bathrooms designated for faculty. Those bathrooms are supplied with various creams and lotions. Drawback: You will run into a faculty member in the bathroom.

4. When the interwebs are against her, a girl has to keep herself busy.


I lugged my laptop to campus today because I was promised (by a giant banner that proclaims "WIRELESS INSIDE") wireless. How-ev-er, my computer was rejected because of missing Microsoft updates. Boo.

So... without interwebs again, I read. Turns out young adult lit was also the perfect costume for today.

5. In Georgia, fruits behave differently.


Apples, for instance, brown before you finish cutting them. I'm not even kidding. Blanche Devareaux once said that people mature faster in the South, and I now believe her.

6. Just because they are a must for this season's fashion, doesn't mean they'll be nice to your feet for an entire 8 hour and 20 minute day.


Yep. Nothing witty to say about that.

I also learned things that I didn't take pictures of. For example, even if one makes it through an entire day of teaching 5 classes without breaking a sweat, that same one will sweat it out in the 6 minute ride home in the preheated oven-hot car. You are happy I didn't photograph this.

Finally (for now), I learned that when one enters five classes with the same tattoos and piercings, 2 students in 2 different classes will point them out in an attempt at solidarity. Goodness gracious.

I'm curious. What did you learn today?!

Peaches (and an Announcement)

Here are the peaches:


and here is the announcement:

My attempt at Peach Cupcakes was an EPIC FAIL.

(There is another announcement coming, but bear with me for the moment, k?)

I don't even understand what went so wrong with this cupcake.

I split the recipe in half, but I do that all the time so I don't blame that. I even rechecked my maths when things went south. I cross-checked the recipe on a couple of different blogs to make sure all the measurements agreed. They did.


But I knew something was not right when my batter was looking more peach soup than batter-with-peaches-folded-in.

Still I had faith... until I pulled those suckers out of the oven.


They were kind of bubbly and very much not cake.


Nevertheless, I dressed homegirl up like a true Southern Lady, and she really doesn't look half bad.


As far as taste goes, the verdict is still out for me. What I seem to have made is more of an eggy custard than a cake. Is it tasty? It is... if you like peach custards. However, a true cupcake, it is not. I would love to hear from anyone who has successfully made this cupcake in the form that God intended.

Now... for the real announcement...

I'm moving again.

I've accepted a position teaching writing at a school in Georgia, y'all.

(I want to leave the "y'all" for all the Southern reasons, but I shuddered a bit just typing it. If you ever notice the dreaded "y'all" showing up in my normal speech, please feel free to slap me. Even in public.)

So that's that. I'm moving very soon so there may or may not be posts happening over the next few weeks. But know that when I do get settled, I'll continue to bring you all the ridiculousness you've come to expect from this blog, but this time the posts will just come to you from Georgia.

And you better believe I'll be hunting down Paula Deen to guest blog.

I'm not worried about...

Today I'm feeling more than a little bit overwhelmed. There are the usual things, of course, but I'm now acutely concerned about my lack of job for the next year.

Ugh.

At times like this, I find it helpful to make a list of things I'm not worried about.

I am not worried about...

1. my lack of tan.
2. Michelle Obama's proud display of her post-Title IX arms.
3. global warming.
4. losing myself in my current relationship. (i <3 being single!)
5. pirates... who don't do anything.

6. my present haircut or color.
7. my ability to bake a damn fine cupcake.
8. the completion of my master's degree.
9. the price of a soy latte at Starbucks. the taste of my ever-improving homemade soy lattes.
10. a devastatingly large mortgage.

See? Joblessness is not so bad after all! I could be dealing with a debilitating cupcake handicap or a pirate who actually does something!

Okay. I'm now getting back to the job hunt/application world. Here's something for you to do: Let me know what you aren't worried about so I'll have something to smile about when I take my next break.

Oh, and if you say that you aren't worried about finding a job then I will send you the worst interweb stinkeye you've ever seen or heard of.